“There are three times the school closing than there were during the last blizzard, not to mention there are four times as many power outages.” The announcer stated. She was so bubbly and confident. She was oblivious to the fact that she mentioned something she said she wasn’t going to mention.
Do you think she realizes she said she wasn’t going to mention the thing she mentioned? There are two conclusions; either she read exactly what scrolled across the teleprompter or she interjected words that were valueless. In either case those words wasted time; yours and mine.
I don’t know about you… that’s another filler, “I don’t know about you but…” What meaning does it have? Is the phraseology attempting to build a verbal bridge to the person to whom the message is directed? If the message was indeed a bridge builder how do you build a bridge to the masses? Do we call these phraseologies the Brooklyn Bridge (the bridge that has been sold more times than a hooker’s pleasure) of linguistics?
Of course you don’t know about me, you’ve never asked (or is it axked?). Besides, I don’t expect you to know about me; just tell me what you’re going to tell me. Verbal mercy dictates that you be succinct. Oral diarrhea should be banned. I’ve written about word limits and the blessed silence that would enable us to be alone with our thoughts. Uh oh, that could be a problem. By the expression on the faces of the masses, thought is not even an afterthought.
If the masses are clueless, verbosity could be the solution that saves people from having to engage the thought engine that is probably rusty from inactivity.
Let’s get back to the original lament, shall we? I’m asking you, as if you have input on the story. Okay, you do have the ability to stop reading; that’s your option. I encourage you to read on; you will be amused.
If you are not going to mention something, don’t mention it. If you are going to mention it, then don’t preface the statement with the caveat. I contend that people don’t think before they speak. You’ve probably blurted out “DUH”. I agree; that qualifies as the Mount Rushmore of “DUHs”. So let’s continue.
I guarantee it, another nebulous phrase. What is the “it” you are guaranteeing? That you’ll like the way you look? Smart man, “like” is such a low standard, especially when you look around at how people define “dress code”. I see boys and men walking around wearing black socks and white shower shoes. I see women wearing clothes that reveal more than any of us have the stomach to handle. If a person is comfortable with that I just rolled out of bed and into the clothes that were closest to the bed look then a suit, no matter how baggy, overpriced and devoid of color will make you look fabulous (articulated in the voice of Billy Crystal). Guarantees have become the new promise that is seldom fulfilled. Who’s going to sue to enforce? Is it you? Do you have the time or the inclination?
Where is this leading us? We are meandering on the path to verbal oblivion. More for the money; say more while communicating less. This is the bane of existence for most of humanity. Listen and dissect; you may discover a new form of amusement. Once you arrive you may want to stay a while. You could learn something from those around you; a lesson in expedience. You can always repeat the salient points. What am I saying? That happens all the time. Pay attention (if the economy doesn’t have you broke).
Next time you engage in a conversation listen. Listening means absorbing, interpreting and understanding. We all suck at listening; some are worse than others. When we allow people to waste our time with amorphous prattle we shortchange ourselves as well as empowering others to buy our time with shills. If you find your time worthless then you should terminate the read and move onto something less telling; devoid of indictment. Let’s hold people accountable for being direct, clear and to the point. Don’t waste my time polluting my pristine verbal landscape with the flatulence of verbosity.
Thanks for reading. This is a Murderous Mondays column. Nobody died in today’s story. What I hope I accomplished is the death of verbosity, of the cattle excrement of terminology misuse and terminology overuse.
Stay tuned, I guarantee more Murderous Mondays replete with exaction, suspense and death.
